Quando si parla di gravidanza i riflettori sono tutti puntati sulla donna, futura mamma, e sul piccolo ancora in grembo. Difficilmente si pensa al futuro papà e a come questo evento sconvolgerà anche la sua di vita. Gli uomini si trovano spesso nella posizione di spettatori della gravidanza, con il rischio per loro di non coinvolgersi a pieno nell’evento fino all’effettiva nascita del figlio. A differenza delle donne, gli uomini non hanno modo di interagire col bambino in maniera diretta, il loro corpo non subisce mutamenti, riescono a percepire qualche movimento solo attraverso la pancia della loro compagna. Tuttavia, questo non significa che non debbano esserne coinvolti in maniera completa fin dai primissimi mesi. Gli studi dimostrano infatti come il coinvolgimento paterno sia un fattore positivo sia per la serenità della madre che per quella del piccolo in arrivo.
La gravidanza per un uomo può essere definita come una “gravidanza mentale”, dove il futuro papà ha 9 mesi per immaginare il suo bambino e piano piano prendere coscienza del nuovo ruolo che lo aspetta.
Come possiamo aiutare quindi gli uomini a prendere piena consapevolezza del loro nuovo ruolo?
– Coinvolgerli durante gli esami di controllo; in questo modo si permette loro di entrare in contatto più diretto col loro bimbo, vedendolo attraverso lo schermo, sentendo il battito del suo cuore e iniziando a prendere del tempo dagli impegni quotidiani per dedicarlo solo alla nuova famiglia in costruzione.
– Partecipare in coppia ad un corso pre-parto o ad uno spazio dedicato a futuri genitori; in questi spazi, oltre a ricevere informazioni utili riguardo alla gravidanza e a poter ricevere risposta alle proprie domande (o preoccupazioni), i futuri papà potranno avere modo di confrontarsi con altri uomini che stanno affrontando il loro stesso percorso. Non sempre infatti gli uomini si ritagliano spazi di condivisione di paure e di ansie nel gruppo di amici o colleghi, e a volte nella propria cerchia si è i primi ad andare in contro a questo cambiamento (e questo può fare paura!).
– Con l’avvicinarsi del termine della gravidanza, iniziare a concordare dei compiti pratici; i futuri papà potrebbero per esempio occuparsi dell’acquisto del seggiolino per il ritorno a casa, valutare il percorso casa-ospedale, essere i tramiti con le famiglie di origine, organizzare la casa con i beni di prima necessità, aiutare la compagna nel preparare la borsa ecc. Insomma, invitarli ad agire in modo da essere di sostegno alla mamma già da subito e non solo quando ci sarà effettivo bisogno.
– Partecipare al momento del parto; per molti uomini essere presenti alla nascita del proprio bambino è un fatto irrinunciabile, per altri è terrificante. E’ consigliabile quindi scegliere come gestire la cosa in coppia, facendo una scelta condivisa che rispetti le emozioni (e talvolta i limiti) di entrambi.
– Se possibile prendersi del tempo dal lavoro; l’istinto di molti uomini è spesso quello di raddoppiare il lavoro per prendersi cura in maniera indiretta della propria famiglia. Considerando ovviamente le specificità di ogni lavoro e di ogni nucleo familiare, quando questo è possibile, prendersi del tempo per restare a casa ed essere fisicamente presenti per la propria compagna e per il proprio bambino è uno dei più grandi regali che un uomo possa fare alla propria famiglia.
– Parlare! Sembrerà banale, ma alcuni uomini sono convinti che le donne siano tranquille e rilassate nell’affrontare una gravidanza e la conseguente maternità, in quanto biologicamente nate per essere madri. Peccato che questo non sia necessariamente vero. Molte donne, per quanto possano aver desiderato la gravidanza, sono spaventate del cambiamento che andranno ad affrontare tanto quanto gli uomini e spesso le preoccupazioni sono molto simili: sarò in grado? che ne sarà del mio tempo libero? Riusciremo ancora ad essere una coppia? Tutte queste paure sono normalissime, il cambiamento può spaventare! Parlandone entrambi i partner possono sentirsi legittimati nel provare queste emozioni, e come coppia le possono affrontare insieme. In ultimo, se necessario, può essere utile parlarne con un esperto che possa aiutare i due futuri genitori a gestire le ansie insorte durante questa nuova, bellissima avventura.
Autore: Dott.ssa Giorgia Bosco
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