
A molte persone sarà capitato nella vita di subire un tradimento, spesso da parte di un partner, ma altre volte anche da un amico o un collega. Con tradimento, infatti, non si intende solo il tradimento fisico all’interno di una relazione sentimentale, ma anche il tradimento della fiducia che si è riposta in una persona vicina: si può tradire un progetto, una comunanza di intenti o anche un’appartenenza ideologica.
Il tradimento, o meglio la scoperta del tradimento, è un evento fortemente destabilizzante: ci pone di fronte all’inconoscibilità dell’altro e alla sua imprevedibilità.
Concentrandosi nello specifico del contesto di una relazione di coppia, il tradimento può essere definito come una relazione sentimentale e/o sessuale che viene vissuta con una persona diversa dal proprio partner, con il quale si era precedentemente stabilita una relazione caratterizzata dall’aspettativa condivisa di un progetto, di fiducia e di esclusività.
Il tradimento è un evento devastante per chi lo subisce, in grado di provocare veri e propri sintomi da Disturbo Post-Traumatico da Stress: pensieri intrusivi ed immagini ricorrenti del partner con l’altra persona, ansia generalizzata, ipervigilanza, irritabilità, disturbi del sonno. Ad essi si accompagnano sentimenti di perdita dell’autostima, vergogna, rabbia e desiderio di vendetta.
Inoltre, si può provare la sensazione di avere di fronte un estraneo: non si riconosce più nel proprio partner la persona che si credeva di avere accanto, si ha la sensazione di non averla mai realmente conosciuta, ci si sente improvvisamente privati di un senso di stabilità e tranquillità. È un fulmine a ciel sereno: al dolore e alla rabbia si sommano la paura ed un profondo senso di smarrimento.
Anche il partner che tradisce può vivere sentimenti dolorosi: senso di colpa, incertezza, confusione, perdita dell’autostima e dei propri valori personali, percezione di sé come un individuo cattivo e disonesto.
Ma perché si tradisce? Esistono differenti tipi di tradimento, a seconda delle ragioni che lo provocano: c’è chi mette in atto un tradimento “seriale”, c’è chi tradisce per evitare di affrontare i conflitti, chi lo fa per la presenza di una condizione relazionale non più gratificante, per mancanza di condivisione e complicità, oppure per l’assenza di rapporti sessuali soddisfacenti, o ancora per creare un equilibrio formale finalizzato a conservare il mito del matrimonio e della famiglia. Si evidenzia quindi come le motivazioni che portano al tradimento siano spesso profondamente legate alle dinamiche relazionali della coppia, più che al singolo partner.
Questo aspetto può essere un fattore positivo poiché, se entrambi i partner decidono di mettersi in gioco ed affrontare le difficoltà insieme, esso può rappresentare un elemento di potenziale crescita e rielaborazione della coppia.
Quali conseguenze può avere un tradimento? Alcune persone sono portate a perdonare il partner, per il sentimento di amore che li lega o per mantenere stabile il legame, mentre altre mettono in discussione la relazione: la fiducia tradita crea una rottura e, come un vaso rotto in tanti cocci, non è semplice ricostruirla.
In questi casi può rappresentare un valido aiuto per la coppia in crisi la psicoterapia di coppia, che permette di rielaborare il conflitto e rende possibile una rinegoziazione delle regole e delle caratteristiche del rapporto, finalizzate alla costruzione di una coppia maggiormente unita e consapevole.
Autore: Dott.ssa Alice Decker
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